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First Time At A Dog Show 
First time at a dog show, I'll tell you quite plain. I'll never, no never, go near one again. The Breeder said 'Show him', when I bought my dog I showed him alright, the whole place was agog. They gave me a number, they gave me a pin But I couldn't bear to stick the thing in. So I rushed to the shop and bought some clear glue Then I stuck the card onto his back in the loo. We arrived at the ringside to find we were first In the Puppy Class no less (this part is the worst) We marched in together as fast as we were able Arrived at the Judge who said 'Up on the table.' This really surprised me, my skirt was quite tight And I just couldn't make it, try as I might. The Judge looked quite worried, he said 'Listen here, Put your dog on the table, not you my dear.' By now I was trembling. I felt such a fool But said to myself - 'Play it cool, play it cool.' 'How old?' said the Judge. I heard it quite clear 'Well really!' I thought, and said 'Thirty next year.' The Steward, poor fellow, threw a kind of fit, He spluttered, he coughed and his eyes ran a bit. 'I'd have that cough seen to.' I said to him when He'd finally stopped - then he started again 'Once round the ring dear as fast as you can' Said the Judge, so I did. I just ran and I ran. But when I arrived (Out of breath I'll admit) The Judge said, 'Your dog dear' I felt such a twit Off round once again, I kept my head bent Oh the shame, my pup crouched, he just went and he went. A lady came running with bucket and spade With manure pricey, I think she had it made We came back to the Judge who said with a frown 'Stand your dog', I said 'Please Sir he's not lying down' 'You can take the first place stand' he said and I said 'Ta' What a job I had getting that stand into the car Anon
With thanks to the the Southern Cavalier King Charles Spaniel Club' Cavalcade editorial team for including such a priceless gem
Reviewed :~ Jan 2026